Life takes turns that are unexpected. Some of them are good, and some are bad. This time of year is always hard for me. I'm pulled in so many different directions. I'm so thankful for what I have. I'm thankful for the fact that I have Larry still. But the nightmares are hard to deal with. And the resulting insomnia is a pain in the butt. This year is even more difficult. I should be celebrating becoming a parent. But I'm not. And it's harder than anyone can imagine.
When people say that I should "just be grateful that Larry's still here" it really aggravates me. Do you think that I'm not? Words cannot express how grateful I am that I still have Larry. But our lives are FOREVER changed. And emotional scars don't heal so easily. I haven't been around much at all. Why? Because it's hard. Because people don't understand where I'm coming from and I feel like I'm the Debbie Downer. I'm trying to deal, but it's a few steps forward...and then a couple steps back. Some days are harder than others. Some days I can get past sadness and hurt and really be happy. But emotions aren't easy to control.
For my friends, I'm sorry that I haven't been around much. You know that I always have time for you and am here for you no matter what. I'm a phone call or text away, no matter if I'm online or not. I'm never EVER too busy to be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. I do miss you guys, but I'm trying to keep my blah to myself.
1 comment:
Oh Chani, you should not have to apologize for the way you feel. I know how difficult this time of year is for you. So much has happened. And I don't think the emotional scars will ever fully heal. We know the affects of PTSD and some people can try to forget but those scars are always there and there are little things that can trigger painful memories. We miss you guys so much! on a lighter note. . . our next duty station is Fort Bliss! that's not too far from you right?? We are hoping we will be able to come visit you guys while we are down there. We will be there starting in April. We will keep in touch
Chino and Liz <3
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