Yup. Another month. Negative. It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself for it, it's always so disappointing. It just sucks to not have the ability to do something that should be so natural.
I'm also feeling pretty....alone? I guess that's the best way to describe it. I guess I'm just not one of the cool kids anymore. I can't go to all the concerts, or on all the cruises. I have other things going on in my life that prevent me from participating in all of it, and I feel like because of that, people really don't give a shit about me anymore. I could fall off the face of the Earth and I feel like there are only a few people that would even notice. That hurts. I'm going through what is proving to be one of the hardest things I've ever been through, and no one wants to talk to me about it because it doesn't have anything to do with certain music groups.
I guess the people that really matter are the ones that will check on me...talk to me, text me. Ask how I'm doing. As for everyone else, I guess that's just the way life goes. I'm tired of having to be the one to reach out to everyone. It'd be nice to be the one people check on. Those of you that DO check on me, that ask me how I am, that support me, you know who you are and I can't ever thank you enough. But I have to go on. I have a husband to take care of and I'm going through this fertility shit. I can't be dwelling on the fact that I don't deserve people's time because I can't go all over to concerts.
So anyway, today, life sucks. We'll see how tomorrow is. Maybe I should take a break from Twitter and Facebook. Who knows.
2 comments:
Oh hon, I wish we didn't live so far apart from each other! I absolutely understand how you're feeling and it would be so nice to have someone close who I can actually TALK to about it face to face. Please know that you aren't alone in your desire and frustrations. I tell myself EVERY month that I am not going to get excited about testing but every single month I get crushed. I don't know how to change that and if I did, I would certainly share the "secret" with you. It WILL happen for the both of us, and for Lori. I don't know what the "hold up" is with the man upstairs, but this waiting shit is getting OLD. It seems like every other day, someone is announcing that they're pregnant after trying for two whole months. Even a website I go to for women who are trying to get pregnant seems to be full of women who are bitching and moaning after trying for only three months - that drives me crazy.
As for not feeling like a "cool kid"... I "get" that too. I would LOVE to be able to go on cruises and follow bands all over the country, or even go to more than two concerts. But I have priorities, namely getting pregnant. And I'm one of those not so lucky people who's insurance covers nothing having to do with infertility. And to me, having a baby is more important than concerts. So that's where all of our extra money goes. You ARE a cool kid in my eyes :)
Love you, girl! And remember, tomorrow is a new day and it will be better.
You know how to get a hold of me if you need to talk <3
*hugs*
Should we start a 'not the cool kids' club? :) You know what though, the ones who act like that are just showing you that they aren't the ones you want around you anyways.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Your time will come :)
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