The roller coaster

The up and down emotions and how it can change so drastically from day to day is gonna make me crazy. Today was a tough day. I don't know why it feels better one day and the next, not so much. Today was spent thinking that I just HAVE to do IVF, that I really need to have a baby. My mind hasn't changed about adopting, but today was really hard thinking that I might not ever have the chance to experience being pregnant....and all that goes with it. Crazy right? I'm not even going to try to figure out why it means so much one day and the next I'm ok. All I know is that I'm really tired. This journey is almost too much for me to handle some days. I know that everything will be ok, and that I will be a mom one way or the other, but what I don't understand is why this is so damn hard. Again, it's been hard to wonder what it was that I did that would cause this. The rational part of me says that I didn't do anything to cause this, but it's just so hard to keep my head straight these days.

*sigh* I want this to be better. Better and maybe easier. Pretty please?