The Power of Prayer...

I gave up on May.  I was sure that I had not conceived and we were going to have 2 more tries...June and July before we started making the hard decisions.  On June 4th, I took a positive pregnancy test.  Surprised.....is an understatement.  I went in for levels..they were only at 25...so they were low.  Retest 2 days later and I was at 49..and 2 days after that it was 123.  We'd been here before so I was not going to get excited.  Because of my history, doc wanted to do an ultrasound that Wednesday.  Went in, and saw nothing.  Doc was convinced that it was going to be another miscarriage, but went in for another check of my levels and they were up to 494.  Two days later, 880.  Now, I'd never had levels go this high, but I was still not sure what to think.  U/S a few days later.....and WE SAW BABY!  Well, it was a gestational sac and yolk sac.  I had most definitely NEVER been this far.  Doc was still arguing with me over conception date....so a week later....back in for another U/S and we think we saw a heartbeat!  Doc was still on the fence, not wanting to say for sure that it was viable, so yesterday we went for another ultrasound, and we saw a very apparent heartbeat.  Baby is measuring a little small for the date of conception according to doc, but I'm thinking we're right on.  He still won't give me a due date, but it's going to be mid-late February.  However, I don't have to go back for 2 weeks this time...small milestones.....

What has been going through my head?  Well first of all, I've been back and forth about writing this blog and sharing this news with everyone, just because of my history.  Heartache is not new to me, but I hate having to tell everyone that I've miscarried.   Big surprise right?  Well, it's more than just being sad to lose a baby.  It's embarrassment and a feeling of failure too.  While I know that those feelings aren't rational, it's real hard not to feel that way.  We're still not out of the woods yet, not even close.  But I figure, the more prayers, the better, right?

It's very different being in the situation that I'm in...having had previous miscarriages....not knowing for sure if the only thing that was causing them was being fixed.  The milestones that I celebrate are so much different.  Every day that I don't have bleeding or bad symptoms....it's one day closer to a full term, healthy baby.  But that's all I have.  A day at a time.  Every time that I have another good U/S, I allow myself to be just a little more hopeful.  But I'm too scared to be REALLY hopeful....to look too far in the future.  

Now, it's just a waiting game.  Wait, wait, wait.  Story of my life right?!  LOL  It's ok though.  I'm just trying to relax and put all of my trust in God.  I know that this is going to be a long, hard journey.  But I've been an open book up till now, and I've gotten such positive feedback from my blog that I wanted to continue to share the journey with everyone.

Thank you all for the positive thoughts and the prayers.  Please keep them coming....they are keeping us going!