Broken Record

I'm tired. I'm sad. It's not fair. This sucks. Blah blah fucking blah. I'm so annoyed at where I'm at right now. I hate that I hear myself say these things over and over and over. I'm angry that people don't understand how I feel, even though it's irrational to feel that way. I just want people to GET it. I want people to stop turning away because I'm not always happy and sunshine and rainbows. I know they won't get it. I know that they are going to continue to pretend like they don't see what I'm saying. Whatever. At this point, I could give a shit less. I'm over it. The people that I know care are there for me. But days like today make me want to crawl into a hole and just rot. I'm sick of sharing my feelings and then getting criticized for it. I'm sick of having to be all happy happy when inside I'm ready to just throw in the towel. Honestly, the only thing that's keeping me anywhere near human right now is Larry. I have to be here for him. Otherwise, I don't really feel like there's any reason to be around. You want real life? That's fucking real life. No, I'm not going to kill myself. I just don't feel like I'm a part of anything anymore. I don't feel like I have anything in common with anyone anymore. I'm really good at the mask, I'm just sick of wearing it. Why don't I go out more? Because I don't want to. Because I think I'm fat, and I don't like the way I look. Do something about it, right? Sure. I'll do that. Get right on it. Oh wait, I don't have the will power to do it. Why? Because I'm a failure...at like...everything. Like how women are supposed to be able to have kids...like it's a natural thing? Yup, I can't do that fucking right either. I'm ready to just give the fuck up. Whatever. Moving on.