First, you need to determine if you truly are dealing with infertility. So what is considered infertility? Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after 1 year of unprotected, well timed intercourse (6 months if the woman is over 35). Woman who can get pregnant but cannot stay pregnant may also be considered infertile. It is not just women who suffer from infertility. The issues can also come from the man. The best way to determine what is causing the infertility is to see a specialist. But you need to be prepared. Not all causes of infertility can be treated. You must be ready to hear whatever it is the doctor needs to tell you, even if it means that you cannot have children. Even if your issues can be treated, infertility treatments are exhausting-both mentally and physically. You need to be ready for the emotional toll that it may take on you. Bottom line-you need to be in a good place and ready to put up a fight-it's not a good idea to add the stresses of infertility treatments to other difficulties you may be experiencing.
Once you have seen the specialist and have had tests run, they will sit down with you and discuss a treatment plan. Both of you should be tested, so you will learn what exactly is causing your infertility (whether it's you or your partner.) My suggestion is to read up on the condition(s) you have. Knowledge is never a bad thing. This way, when you are talking to your doctor, you can ask educated questions and look at your treatment plan from all angles. And do what the doctor tells you to do! You're not going to get anywhere if you aren't taking the medications or following the treatment plan. Write key days on your calendar.
I'm going to warn you, because I'm all about being real. Infertility can take over your life. It's something that's always there nagging at you. You will spend days wondering if this symptom is because your pregnant or if it's just in your head. You're going to stare real hard at pregnancy tests and try to see that 2nd line that says it's positive. You're going to wonder what the hell you were thinking deciding to do this. You're going to be sad. You're going to be frustrated.
So what do you DO? How do you get through it without pulling all of your hair out? There are a few things that I have found that have really helped me.
First-DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. This is not something to be ashamed of. There will be days where you will feel like it's your fault and you will beat yourself up over it. But you'd be surprised how many other women are going through it.
Second-TALK ABOUT IT. If you're not comfortable calling up a friend and discussing it, or you really just can't bring yourself to open up to someone you know, there are so many support boards online that you can read and ask questions anonymously. I am going to warn you though. They can be really frustrating. People are very uneducated about infertility issues and will post on there after 1 or 2 months of not conceiving. They really don't understand that that does not mean they are infertile-and when you read those posts, if you're anything like me, it's all you can do not to want to reach through the screen and strangle them. Support from your spouse or a close friend or two will do wonders. Be honest about your feelings. If none of those work, counselors might be a consideration. This is one of the hardest journeys you are going to go on and you need the support, however you get it.
Third-RELAX. No, I don't mean "if you just relax, it will happen." I mean make time for yourself to rest, to relax, to breathe. Meditate, do yoga, read a book...whatever helps you to calm down. When (I'm being positive here) you get pregnant, you will especially need this. Just as the getting pregnant part is hard, the being pregnant part is just as difficult. Realistically, you're going to be worried. Being super stressed all the time can be harmful to your baby, so you need to find some way to be calm.
Lastly-KEEP A JOURNAL. Not only will this help you in keeping track of things like side effects, treatments that have been tried, etc., it is also a nice outlet for you. If you absolutely refuse to talk to someone about what you are going through, keeping a journal and writing about your feelings will help. It's better to talk about it, don't get me wrong. But if you can't bring yourself to do that, this is a great way to let some of it out.
I'm sure that there are lots of other really great ideas out there on how to cope. My hope is that some of what I have been through or am going through can help others on their infertility journey. This is a long road. Being prepared for it is the first step you should take.
No comments:
Post a Comment