So, Chani asked me to talk a bit about what this journey has been like for me. We've been trying to start a family for over a decade now. Our situation hits Chani a lot more than it does me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a child..and soon, but I view our situation a bit differently than my wife. Maybe some of the other husbands in similar situations feel as I do and from the outside it may look like we don't care or we're not as anxious as our counterparts, but we are, just in different way. I know we'll have a child-start our family soon. I am hoping to have our own, but I know that adoption is an option. Either way, we will start our family. I'm trying to remain optimistic because I know that conceiving a child is so important to Chani and this process has been stressful for her. Since women are the ones that carry the baby and create that bond, it is only natural for them to have a strong desire to experience pregnancy. My biggest stresses are the way it affects my wife and seeing the emotional toll it's taking on her. She says it's a guy thing, but I just want to fix it. In my experience, a lot of the time, Chani just needs to talk about it. She needs to vent and get it all out. It's frustrating for me, as her husband, to just sit there and listen when every fiber in my being wants to fix it. It has taken me many years to realize that a lot of times, all I have to do is listen and be there for her. The most important thing I try to do is stay positive, offer encouragement, and reassure her that we will have a family someday. At the end of the day, before we go to sleep, I just want my wife to be happy. Dealing with infertility is tough, both for Chani and for myself. I know how precious life is, especially after nearly losing my life. I try to be positive and keep a good attitude about all of this because I feel like, just as it helped me heal and recover, it will help us get through this. I want to help Chani through the days when she is frustrated and depressed, when she feels like it is her fault and she's at a breaking point. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of positive thinking, and I know that it is hard for Chani to handle, so I try to bear some of the burden-let her know that it will happen for us someday, and that she will be a wonderful mommy to our child-no matter if it is ours or if we choose to adopt.
I hope all of this makes sense to you, and I hope that maybe, in some way, it can help some of you that might think your partner doesn't care as much as you do. We do care. I want to be a daddy just as much as Chani wants to be a mommy (even if she thinks it's just so I can buy toys.) I can't wait until that time comes, but in the meantime, it's my job to pick her up when she's down and make sure that she knows how much I love her and that soon we will have a FAMILY.
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