Here's where the getting real part is. I thought about not telling anyone that I was pregnant until I was past the first trimester. But then I thought that no, if something happens, it's part of the journey and being real and honest is what this is all about.
My bloodwork today did not look good. It's looking like I'm going to lose the baby. They don't know why...they just said that more than likely there was something genetically wrong with the baby and this is the body's way of fixing the problem. Who knows. What I do know is that this sucks. What's going through my head right now is not why me? It's can I do this again? Can I handle trying this again?
I still have to go in tomorrow for another blood test. I don't know what it's going to show, but the doc still wants me to go in. I guess we'll see. For those who are thinking "she shouldn't have said anything" the only thing I have to say is that this is MY journey. Telling people or not telling people doesn't make this any easier or harder at this point....because the people that know me know that I am an open and very honest person. I want to share what this fertility journey is like. It's NOT easy. Miscarriage and lost pregnancies are a real issue and can still happen even with fertility treatments and the best doctors. Not every fertility treatment ends in babies.
I hope that the people that have been there for me from the beginning will still be there for me now. I hope that you will keep the prayers coming, because this is not over. We still have options to look at, and I hope that you will stick around and be the amazing support that you have been from the beginning.
2 comments:
I am praying SO hard for you and Larry!! I want to say how many times I've heard of numbers being bad one day, but they improve the next and a healthy baby is born many months later. As much as I WANT to say that, I want you to be realistic (which I know you are). All I can say in my head is "PLEASE god, don't let this happen, PLEASE PLEASE don't let this happen to Chani!!!!". I can't even believe that we're "talking" about this right now. This isn't fair. It isn't right.
No matter what happens, Chani, I will be here for you. So will many others. You have so many wonderful people who love you and Larry <3
I LOVE YOU!!!!
I love you Chani and more than anything I want this to be alright for you and Larry. I am praying so hard for both of you and for this baby. No matter the outcome you know that we are here for you. We love you.
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