The Adoption Question

This whole week my thoughts have been on Jess and her family. How they have dealt with such a devastating loss....but more on how they have rallied around each other and gone through this as a family. The love that those kids have for their parents....it's unreal.

I say this because Larry and I don't know what the future holds for us. Will we be able to get pregnant? What if we can't? Adoption was always an option that we said that we would consider, but I have always been really scared. I of course want to have a baby if it's possible. I want the whole experience. But if that's not going to happen, what then? My biggest fear was never that I couldn't or wouldn't love a baby that was adopted, but if they would love me since I wasn't their biological mother. What would they think of me and Larry?

I know now that biology has nothing to do with it. Something that I have always said is that you don't have to be RELATED to be FAMILY. I've learned that through people that have come into our lives and been there through the hardest times. This is such a different situation, I was really unsure what would happen.

The more time I spend with their family, the more I understand that if that is what God has planned for you, he'll make it work. He'll create the bond that you need. I just want a family. I want to know what it is to be a mom. I really hope that someday I will get that chance. Until then, my questions are slowly being answered and my nerves are being calmed. Whatever decision we have to make, it's going to be in God's hands and in His time. It's hard to give it all up to Him, but we have to, even though I'm really not good at patience.